


Dennis Makes His Own Horror Movie

by trapezoidscheme



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: ANYWAY love these boys love this dennis, M/M, gore ment??, its all pretty lowkey, nsfw stuff ment??, serial killer ment??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 05:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10825113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trapezoidscheme/pseuds/trapezoidscheme
Summary: There’s a very good reason that Mac McDonald is profusely apologizing to Dennis Reynolds in a hospital waiting room at midnight on a Wednesday, and it’s a fairly simple one. The story begins about 25 years ago, in a sleepy suburb on the outskirts of Philadelphia.





	Dennis Makes His Own Horror Movie

**Author's Note:**

> based on this post from @iasipdiscourse on tumblr (love u)  
> https://iasipdiscourse.tumblr.com/post/160312228721/dennis-probably-tries-to-roleplay-serial-killers

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so-”

“Shut UP, Mac,” Dennis growls. There are a few moments of beautiful silence, blessed silence, until Mac takes a deep breath and--

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry--”

There’s a very good reason that Mac McDonald is profusely apologizing to Dennis Reynolds in a hospital waiting room at midnight on a Wednesday, and it’s a fairly simple one. The story begins about 25 years ago, in a sleepy suburb on the outskirts of Philadelphia.

~~~

The woman on the TV drones on and on about some shooting that happened earlier that day and the crickets chirp relentlessly as the hot Philly summer envelops the Reynolds household. Dennis is 15 years old and has nothing better to do on a Tuesday night, so he’s watching the 11 o’clock news in the living room with the sound turned all the way up, despite frequent protests from Dee. 

“Serial killer and rapist Jeffrey Dahmer was apprehended late last night by the Milwaukee police and is currently being held for questioning in the Sheriff's office. We advise that you keep your children away from the TV as our reporter on the field describe Dahmer’s heinous crimes.”

Dennis leans forward and tries to block out Dee’s muffled complaints as he listens. Is it weird that this fascinates him? Pictures of Dahmer flash across the screen and his smile gets wider and wider. Yes. This is what he was meant to be. This is what he was meant to do. This is what-- There’s a soft click as the screen turns black. Dennis whips around to see his sister standing behind him, one hand holding the remote and the other flipping him off. 

“Give that back, you bitch! You bird bitch!” Dennis lunges at her with a war cry but she beats him back easily. There’s a short scuffle until Dennis is curled up on the floor, trying to protect himself from Dee’s relentless kicks to his rib cage.

~~~

Dennis is twenty years old and home from Penn for the holidays (“ _ Christmas _ break,” his dad always says with a scowl), so he and Mac scrape together whatever cash they can find and go see  _ Scream _ in theaters on Christmas day. The theater is filled with Jewish families, which Mac hadn’t anticipated, so he grips Dennis’s hand tight as they make their way through the rows to get to their seats. Dennis pretends to mind but he doesn’t, not really.

“Bro, pass the popcorn, you always hog the popcorn!” Mac wrestles the popcorn out of Dennis’s grip and Dennis gives him a dirty look. Dennis knows for a fact that Mac is the one who always hoards the popcorn, but he sees no reason to point that out. He’s been trying to slim down anyway, so it’s good that Mac has stopped him.

The lights dim and he shushes Mac. He’s been waiting to see this movie since the posters went up in the theater. The camera is zoomed in on a young girl’s face and Dennis grins, already knowing what’s going to happen next.

Mac turns away at the first sight of blood, gagging into the popcorn as the girl’s boyfriend sits in a lawn chair on-screen, his guts spilling out of his stomach. Dennis grins wider, throws an arm around Mac, whispers in his ear “Isn’t this so cool?”

Mac shakes his head violently and runs out of the theater, clutching the popcorn to his chest. Dennis shrugs and leans back in his seat, still smiling.

~~~

“Movie night! Monday night is movie night!” Mac cheers as he bursts through the door of their apartment, swaying gently. He’s holding two Wawa hoagies and a (mostly full) bottle of vodka, the latter of which Dennis quickly rescues from Mac’s fumbling hands. 

“It’s Thursday, Mac,” Dennis says as he sets down the vodka and goes to get glasses from the kitchen.

Mac shrugs and flops down on the couch. “Close enough. What are we watching?” Dennis emerges from the kitchen and grins at Mac in the way that makes Mac uneasy, like he’s about to be eaten.

“We’re watching  _ Psycho _ ,” Dennis says. There’s a groan of complaint from Mac, but it falls on deaf ears.  “The 1960 version, obviously, because no one can truly recreate Hitchcock’s masterpiece.”

“Dude, you know I hate horror movies!” Mac whines. The movie starts playing and Dennis flops down on the couch, sidles up to Mac and smiles with all his teeth.

“Get ready for the best movie experience of your life, babe,” he says, and Mac shivers. Maybe this will be fine. He’s a big tough guy, right? He can take it.

The woman on the screen starts taking off her clothes and, okay, Mac can get into this. He’s always down for a lady getting naked. Dennis rolls his eyes next to him, obviously uninterested. Whatever, dude. Dennis can go be gay if he wants, but Mac is going to be over here, appreciating women. Ladies.  _ Chicks. _

And then, suddenly, the naked lady is getting stabbed, violently, repeatedly, and Mac is burying his face into Dennis’s shoulder, whimpering. Dennis strokes his hair, mumbling comforts that sound vaguely like threats. 

Mac’s not taking another shower ever again.

~~~

It’s been five months since they’ve started banging regularly and it’s been great. Really great. So great, in fact, that Dennis is ready to try something new. 

“Hey Mac?” he calls. Mac answers with a hum around his toothbrush. “Have you ever heard of something called ‘vore?’” Mac spits the toothpaste out in surprise, spraying it all over the bathroom mirror. Dennis stands in the hallway innocently, tips his head to the side.

“Dude!” Mac puts down the toothbrush, mops up the mess while giving Dennis a dirty look. “We are NOT doing any of your creepy serial-killer-y fantasies, Denn.”

“Come on, Mac--” Dennis whines.

“No. Enn, Oh.”

“Fine, fine, we’re not doing it!” Dennis throws up his hands in frustration. This is Mac’s problem. He couldn’t see that he was gay before, and now he can’t see that he’s into vore. He’ll come around, Dennis thinks with a smile. They always do.

“I’m not changing my mind on this, bro!” Mac calls after him. Goddamnit.

~~~

When Dennis buys a Scream mask for cheap the week after Halloween ends, he knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s been five more months since the “vore incident” and Mac still hasn’t come around to it. Dennis has tried everything, really. Emails with articles attached about ethical cannibalism have gone unread, the TV turned off during kink documentaries, all of the belts in the apartment hidden after a particularly nasty accident… Dennis has tried everything, and it’s all gone to waste. The only thing left to do now is to take Mac by surprise. 

When Mac gets in the shower that night, Dennis’s plan starts to come together. He grabs a butter knife from the kitchen(he doesn’t want to actually hurt the guy, not for their first time, anyway), puts on the duster, and dons his newly purchased mask. The butter knife feels slippery in his sweaty grip, but he pushes through the nerves. There’s no need to worry, really. This is going to be super hot and Mac is going to love it.

He pushes the door open, slowly, and slips into the bathroom, unnoticed by Mac, who is singing… what is he singing? Dennis pauses for a minute before identifying the song as an old tune from Dayman. Of course.

“They took you, Nightman, and you don’t belong to them…” Mac sings under his breath as he shampoos his hair. He can’t get that stupid  _ Psycho _ movie out of his head while he showers, he never can, but he squashes down any fears he might have and keeps himself firmly planted under the stream of water. See, a little bitch would hear a noise and immediately check for intruders in his bathroom, but not him. He knows that there’s no possible way that a murder could be--

He’s right in the middle of this self-soothing thought  when the shower curtain is ripped down and he finds himself face-to-face with a murder. In his bathroom. So, Mac does what any logical person would do: he lets out a terrified scream and his fist connects with the side of the murderer’s face. The murder shrieks and falls backward, hits his head on the sink, and crumples to the ground. 

Mac shuts off the water with shaking hands, moves quietly to the would-be murderer and inspects the body. Is that a butter knife in his hand? Holy shit, that sadistic son-of-a-bitch wanted to do it slow. Mac shudders at the thought and kneels down to remove the mask. If someone was about to kill him, he has the right to know who it was. Oh God, Dennis! He hasn’t thought about Dennis, oh, Dennis is probably dead by now, it’s too late to save him. Mac wipes away a single manly tear as he gingerly pinches the fabric of the mask and pulls it off of the murderer’s head. Is that…

“Dennis?” Mac says, incredulous. “Oh my God, Dennis!”

~~~

And that’s how Dennis comes to be sitting in the passenger seat of his own Range Rover, on the way home from the hospital at 3am, eight stitches richer and several thousand dollars poorer.

“I’m sorry, Dennis,” Mac says, looking over with a nervous chuckle. “But you gotta admit, that was pretty funny.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, man.”

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i dont know either  
> no beta reader, so let me know if i hecked anything up super bad!!  
> come hang out with me on tumblr @mcpoylehateblog


End file.
